Finding A Mate
by DominoWriter
Summary: When Kyuubi tells Naruto that demon foxes die after 1000 years if they don't find a mate, Naruto is suddenly caught up in finding a mate and surviving. Naruino. Sakura, Sasuke, and Kakashi bashing
1. Chapter 1

"**Bold" Kyuubi talking**

"_Italics" People's thoughts. _

Summary: When Kyuubi tells Naruto that he needs to find a mate, how can things change when he suddenly finds out that foxes die when they can't find a mate after 1000 years? Naruto goes and tries to find a perfect mate. NaruIno. Sakura, Sasuke, and Kakashi bashing

Finding a mate

By Dominowriter

Co-written with Kaitosouta

Naruto walked to school again, enduring the harsh glares that were directed at him. He continued walking, dodging the trash thrown his way, bubblegum, plastic wrappers, ice cream, ECT. They would never understand what he had to endure and what it felt like to be alone. When he got to the Academy he was ten minutes late. As usual he was yelled at by Iruka again. Life sucked.

He went back to his seat after listening to Iruka's long boring speech about how he was always late, how he was always playing pranks and how he would never learn anything if he didn't go to the Academy on time.

Suddenly, Naruto knelt over in pain. He put his head on his desk to pretend like he was sleeping before talking to Kyuubi.

**Kit…**

Shit! Not now!

**I need a mate…**

Damn! Can't you wait until after school?

**No.**

A surge of heat ran through Naruto's body. Damn it!

His thoughts became clearer, his senses became sharper as Kyuubi took over and proceeded to look around for a possible mate.

Kyuubi! I'm in school now!

**So what kit, I will take over if you do not get a mate.**

Why in the world in getting a mate so important?

**Quiet you insolent whelp! I will tell you only once, demon foxes are killed immediately if they can not get a mate after 1000 years!**

And how come I didn't know this until now?

**And let you know my one weakness? Never! But now since you are older and more intelligent and stronger than when I first started teaching you, I figured you might help me.**

Oh, so the great demon is going to need my help to find a mate?

**Did I neglect to mention that you will die too?**

Shit! No one likes me in class at all! What do I do, what do I do?

**Now you truly realize the dangers of our situation?**

Wait, how much time do I have?

**1 year kit, I'm 999 years old**

Wow, Kyuubi the old, wrinkly grandpa.

**Shut up**

So, who do you think would be a good candidate?

**I do not know kit, it depends on you**

Haruno Sakura is out of the question, she's always after her 'Sasuke-kun' it's a wonder why I chose her to pretend to be in love with. Ahem, next one, Hyuuga Hinata, out of the question too, Kiba would kill me, I mean IF he could kill me. All the other females are were in love with that Uchiha. This was not going to be well.

**What about the Yamanaka girl?**

She's a rabid Sasuke fan girl.

**I do not sense the attraction for Sasuke coming off of her**

What?

**She exudes disgust when she touches the Uchiha survivor.**

But she's a fan girl for Uchiha. Doesn't she always hug him when he comes in? Doesn't she always fight with Sakura for him?

**Kit, the one thing that is useful in life that I have not taught you yet is how to notice feelings. I must teach you that soon.**

Awesome!

**Back to the point please.**

But what if she doesn't like me? What am I suppose to do, go up to her and say: "Hey Ino! I'm the demon fox that probably killed a big part of your family! I need a mate; will you please be my mate?" Hell like that will ever work.

**Bluntness may work sometimes. Other times it will get you a slap on the face. I sense you already like her anyways.**

What! NO!

**I am smarter than you, I know more, do not lie to me you whelp!**

Grr…

**Kit, you have been denying it haven't you?**

Grr…

**Get a move on you idiot! Introduce yourself again and talk to her! And as a form of help, I'm going to make your body use all its chakra. Correctly.**

Fine…WHAT! NO!

"NARUTO!" Iruka said with his demon head. The other kids laughed at the 'frightened' Naruto.

"Huh?" Naruto said in his usual stupid voice.

"Since you are sleeping again in class, why don't you come up here and do Henge for us?" Iruka said. The other kids laughed again because they knew that Naruto couldn't do the Henge.

_Shit!_ Thought Naruto. _Curse you Kyuubi!_

Naruto walked up the front of the class.

"Turn into Sandaime for me, Naruto" Iruka said.

"Henge." Naruto said. Iruka was somewhat worried when Naruto spoke monotonously.

poof

A perfect Iruka appeared. Right down to how many hairs were on the real Iruka's head.

"Naruto…" Iruka breathed out before looking out to the other students. The other students had similar looks of shock and even Uchiha was looking with slightly widened eyes.

"Naruto…how?" Iruka asked the other Iruka in front of him. The fake Iruka remained silent. Naruto canceled Henge and went back to his seat. He then proceeded to give the impression that he was sleeping.

"Naruto, after school stay here." Iruka said to Naruto intent on finding out how Naruto could do the Henge when Naruto couldn't do it the day before. Naruto kept on sleeping giving no indication that he had heard what Iruka had said.

"Okay, class, today we will be learning how to do-" Iruka started to say before the bell rang. Surprised, he realized that the whole class had been staring at Naruto for a great majority of the class time.

Naruto went forward to his sensei's desk before sitting down on one of the chairs in the classroom. He only had to wait for a couple of minutes before Iruka came back from seeing all the other kids that they went back home safely.

"Naruto, how did you do that Henge so perfectly?" Iruka asked Naruto.

"Ask me no question, I tell you no lies." Naruto said before walking out the door.

"_Insolent little brat"_ Iruka thought before going into his 'thinking' sequence. His mother and father were killed by Kyuubi. Why was he worried about Naruto? So many questions, so little time to answer them.

When Naruto was outside, the first thing he did was to search around for Ino's chakra. He quickly zoomed in on the abandoned field of grass near the river that no one ever went to. He ran over tothe riverignoring the looks many villagers sent him. When he got to the fields the first thing he could see was many strings of chakra covering the whole plot of land. The second was that the field looked perfect, the grass was green and the flowers sparkled somewhat in the sunlight. The third thing was that he saw Ino in the field. She was quiet and silently looked out to the river. Her eyes were sad and she didn't look like the Uchiha fan girl she usually was.

'_Beautiful…'_ Naruto thought.

Ino still hadn't taken notice of Naruto until…

"Ino…" Naruto said

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A/N: I hope you liked it, I really don't have anything to say. Review if you want the second chapter up.


	2. Chapter 2

Ahem, I've been informed more than 3 months ago that Fanfiction is now not allowing the author to respond to the reviewers. I'm not sure if this is still true now. Also, I forgot to add the disclaimer in the chapter before sorry.

Made a mistake in the first chapter, Naruto should have transformed into Sandaime Hokage instead of Iruka. Sorry about that.

Well, this is the second chapter. The reason why I haven't been updating…PM me if you want to know because I don't really want to make it public.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

Finding a Mate

Ch 2: Life in hell

Ino's hear immediately whipped up to look at her 'stalker'.

'Damn! That was stupid!' Naruto thought as he quickly ran away from the scene of crime. Going to a small river that he had found one day while running from villagers wielding pitchforks, he made himself comfortable and started to ask himself great questions.

"What is the meaning of lif-" No, not that question!

"Why? Why? Why? Why ME!?" Naruto cried desperately as he banged his fist on the ground.

Next Day

It was all too confusing, all these strange feelings, an urge to bite Sasuke whenever Ino latched herself onto him. Naruto found himself with bloody palms after his nails cut into it. It was just too unbearable, to be so near Ino and not be able to do anything.

Naruto wanted to tear Sasuke apart, the jealously of him being near HIS mate was too much to bear. The only thing Naruto could do right now was drink his own blood so that he didn't get bloodlust and end up killing everyone who got near his mate.

Unbeknownst to him, Ino was trying very hard to keep herself on Sasuke despite the fact that she wanted to throw up quite badly. She kept on telling herself that she had to do this, or else her parents would get suspicious.

'ALL girls like Sasuke now Ino, why can't you be like them?' Ino thought sarcastically in her head. She didn't want to be like other girls. The only thing that kept her going were her parents. Though they pushed her to be like other girls, she still loved them and wanted them to love her. Sasuke was just a spoiled idiot in her eyes, he was handsome, sure, but his attitude needed working on. Currently, he was trying to shake her and Sakura off of him.

Naruto growled once again as Sasuke looked at Ino.

'ARG!' Naruto cried mentally as he banged his head on his desk.

**Kit, as a resident in your body, I advise against trying to mentally kill yourself.**

…not again…

**You act as if I am a stranger, an unwanted thing! How could you after I have been with for so long…sniffle**

…What in the world are you drinking?...and where can I get some?

**Vodka, Russia.**

Darn, too far away. I guess I'll just have to settle for ramen…

**I recommend Tequila.**

Sure you do you alcoholic.

**Aw, you know you love me!**

Like elephant poop.

**You like elephant poop?**

Ew, no you sick, perverted, red fur ball!

**So says the one who likes elephant poop.**

I do not like elephant poo--

"NA-RU-TO!"

"AHHH!" Naruto screamed breaking out of his dazed state.

"This is the third time this week! Pay attention in class." Iruka scolded.

"…meep…" Naruto whimpered as he slowly scooted his chair away from Iruka. An angry Iruka was never good for your health.

"Today we will be learning about-" Iruka rambled while students were falling asleep around him.

Five Hours Pass

**School is finally over. Let's go.**

Holy beep!

…**What…**

You're finally talking like normal people do!

**What do you mean…?**

You aren't talking like an old man anymore! You're using things like 'can't' and 'let's'. I'm so proud of you…sniffs while sobbing

**sweatdrop No more parental guides for you kit.**

starts crying louder

…**I wonder how long this is going to take.**

still crying

**Oh Naruto Ino is being cornered by Sasuke!**

gasp Where! Let me at him, let me at him!

**My job is finished.**

Why you old, wrinkly –

BAM!

Naruto slammed into someone while turning the corner. Getting up and looking down, he found himself looking at the cerulean orbs of one Yamanaka Ino.

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A/N: There you go. Sorry if it is short. I am working on another fic on another account.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry that I haven't been updating in a VEEEERRRRY long time. The truth is, I can't seem to write hetero stories for some reason now. But I'm trying to. So don't hurt me for not updating quickly. .

On to the story

Finding a Mate Ch. 3

By: dominowriter

"Watch where you're going." Ino muttered, standing up and dusting herself.

"I didn't mean to knock you over, how come you weren't watching where you were walking?" Naruto retorted.

"**Smooth, say sorry then get angry at the girl in return." **Kyuubi snickered in Naruto's mind.

"Shut up."

"What?" Ino asked staring at Naruto. Did Naruto just tell her to shut up?

Naruto wanted to hit himself on the head. Great, just great. He forgot that he didn't have to speak out loud to talk to Kyuubi.

"**Poor little sod." **

"Oh nothing. I was talking to myself…" Naruto said a weak excuse.

"Well have fun talking to yourself, I have to go." Ino said dismissively before turning and quickly walking away.

"**This will take a while, right?"** Kyuubi said to Naruto.

'Oh shut up you old fart. Were YOU lucky with the ladies back then?' Naruto retorted.

"**Of course I wa- NO YOU IDIOT! Why would I be asking an idiot like you to help me if I already had one? Use your mind, it needs exercise!" **

'Hey!' Naruto started 'Are you saying I'm fat?'

Somewhere, in the deep, dark, empty corners of Naruto's mind, Kyuubi wept silently and mourned for the loss of what could have been if Naruto hadn't bumped his head on the sidewalk when he was five.

'Back to the subject, how am I going to get Ino to like me? It's like asking the villagers to be nice to me on my birthday, impossible.'

"**It is possible. You just need to learn how to act like a guy people actually like to be around." **Kyuubi said in him All Knowing Voice.

'How am I going to do that?'

"**Well, brain washing is definitely out… I could lecture you, but you always faze off in about 30 seconds… Let's go to the bookstore."**

'But- '

"**No buts. I need you to get laid or we will both die!"**

'You are such a nice person!' Naruto growled sarcastically.

That Night

'I don't get any of this at all! Why do I have to open the door for the girl and be nice to her?'

'**Those are the rules of manhood, learn them well.'**

'But it doesn't seem very important!'

'**Listen, do you WANT to be castrated?'**

'What does that mean?'

'**Kids these days.' **Kyuubi sent a mental film of a man getting castrated.

With an axe.

A blunt axe.

'My eyes! My eyes! Stop it, stop it!'

Kyuubi stopped the film.

'Never again… never again will I be mean to women.' Naruto whimpered. He was on the floor and curled up in a fetal position.

'**Yes, little one, women are monsters. But they can be tamed. With money, chocolate, flowers, and words of love.'**

'Holy crap, you're starting to sound like those rich old perverted men who have many concubines that I find sometimes on the streets!'

'**I wish.' **

'…'

'**This conversation is getting awkward…'**

'Let's just come up with a plan, okay?'

'**Okay.' **

Two hours later

'**Finally. Now remember, you have to remember these rules when you talk to Ino.'**

'I know, I know.'

Naruto looked down at the piece of paper. He read through it once again just to make sure he wrote down everything Kyuubi had said. He didn't want to be castrated.

**The Ten Commandments of Dating**

**By: The Great Kyuubi-Sama and The ****Insignificant Whelp**** One Who Will Become The Greatest Hokage Ever.**

**1.Thou shalt not stare fixedly at the ****victim's**** target's...assets.**

**2.Thou shalt not speak with foul language in the presence of the ****victim**** target. **

**3.Thou shalt be gentlemanly and kind to the target at all times. That means no farting or obscene gestures in nearby vicinity of target.**

**4.Thou shalt make an effort to become a part of the target's life.**

**5.Thou shalt be polite and kind to target's parents. Be sure to let them know you have good intentions. Remember, what doesn't hurt them will probably hurt you. Also, Konoha isn't very big. They probably have contacts. They will probably hunt you down and kill you.**

**6.Thou shalt not cheat on target after establishing a firm relationship. Doing so will result in consequences not unlike those from commandment number 5. **

**7.Thou shalt not make any semi-threatening noises while in company of target or anyone related to target. It's not hard for a well-meaning friend to mistake you for an enemy ninja and 'accidentally' kill/maim you.**

**8.Thou shalt not assume that it's alright to have sex immediately after one, two, or even three dates. Sex is unsafe. Very unsafe. **

**9.Thou shalt not force target to do anything they don't like. Examples: Going to eat large amounts of Ramen right after breakfast. **

**10.Thou shalt remember that the target has feelings too. That means no calling the target 'baby-cheeks' and 'sex on legs' in front of people. **

'**Naruto, there are additional rules too.' **

'A-additional???' Naruto was in a panic now. He could hardly remember the ones he wrote down, how the hell would he remember the 'Additional Rules?'

'**Let me show you…' **

**THE RULES**

**1. The Female always makes THE RULES.**

**2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.**

**3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.**

**4. If the Female suspects the Male to know all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES.**

**5. The Female is never wrong.**

**6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.**

**7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.**

**8. The Female can change her mind at any time.**

**9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of The Female.**

**10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.**

**11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.**

**12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.**

**13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.**

**14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.**

**15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.**

**16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.**

**17. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.**

**18. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.**

'Man, this is going to suck.'

**---------------------------------**

**A/N: THE RULES was found online. This chapter is pretty short but it was fun to write. . **


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